December was a busy month for me. Aside from the usual end-of-quarter rush, there was a conference, and some last-minute vacation planning and packing. But the second half of December was more laid back, and we spent it exploring southern California, and enjoying delicious food and a different, entertainment-oriented vibe.
This was initially supposed to be an end-of-year reflection blog, but due to the reasons above, I ended up finishing it a week late. But reflection shouldn’t be constrained by time, right? I thought I would share some of the lessons I learned in 2019, as well as my favorite books of the year. It’s not to say that I achieved mastery of these lessons, but as with everything else in life, it’s work in progress.
Lessons Learned:
- Prioritize Self-care
This was essential to me, especially during stressful periods. It’s normal, and often necessarily, to postpone doing the things we love in order to finish more urgent, perhaps less enjoyable tasks. Taking time off can be the last thing on our minds when we have a pressing deadline. But I think it’s important to take a step back between now and then to quiet down our minds and do something for ourselves. This blog is one way for me to make sure that I do that. Other ways include spending time outside, reading, and my daily favorite- afternoon black tea with a square of dark chocolate. Yum! - Embrace “Good Enough”
This was such a liberating lesson. I first heard of this concept from Barry Schwartz’s Ted talk titled: On the Paradox of Choice, which was recommended to me by a friend. I later got the book, and it changed the way I related to different decisions in my life. I have a whole post about this idea, so I won’t get into much detail, but I highly recommend the book and the talk. - Always Make Time for Friends and Socials
With the hustle of everyday life, it sometimes slipped my mind to plan for hangouts with my friends, especially after I became a mom. My time was divided between school and home, and it sometimes felt like too much work to plan ahead, or get our place ready to have people over after a long week. But I found that it was such a small price to pay compared to the joy I got out of it. I became more intentional about setting some time aside to do that. - Minimize
I’ve always been a hoarder. I love collecting things, especially items that I feel emotionally attached to. I had the hardest time donating some of my son’s old clothes because every piece felt special to me. But living in a small bay area apartment forced me to change this habit. At first, it was more out of necessity than willingness. But with time, I got bit by the minimalism bug, and I began to actively get rid of stuff we didn’t need anymore, either by donating or selling them. I found it very freeing, and it made me more mindful about the things that I owned. It also made me think twice before purchasing something new. - Listen
Not just listen, but ACTIVELY listen, especially to those I care about. We sometimes think we’re listening, when in fact we’re thinking about how to respond to the person talking, or are distracted by something else. I think this is one of the hardest skills to master. But even a small step in the right direction can make a big change to the relationships we have.
Book Recommendations
- Daring Greatly by Brené Brown.
This book opened up my mind to the way we deal with vulnerability and how it shapes our lives. I also got this book after watching Brown’s Ted Talk titled: The Power of Vulnerability.
“We judge people in areas where we’re vulnerable to shame, especially picking folks who are doing worse than we’re doing. If I feel good about my parenting, I have no interest in judging other people’s choices. If I feel good about my body, I don’t go around making fun of other people’s weight or appearance. We’re hard on each other because we’re using each other as a launching pad out of our own perceived deficiency.” - An American Marriage by Tayari Jones.
I read half this book in one sitting, and I rarely ever do that. It’s the story of a marriage that is ripped apart by a flawed justice system. Jones’s style of writing is very poetic, and the story is gripping to say the least. I highly recommend it. - The Paradox of Choice by Barry Schwartz.
In this book, Schwartz argues convincingly that having more choices doesn’t necessarily lead to a better life, and could even lead to stress and anxiety. He talks about how we make decisions in different areas, and shows how our decision-making process can be very biased, or influenced by factors we’re not even aware of. In the end he gives recommendations for how to make decisions more wisely and be in peace with the outcome, regardless of other available options. Spoiler alert: there’s no easy solution to master decision-making. It takes deep self-knowledge and a change in mindset. - Limitless Mind by Jo Boaler
Boaler’s research on mathematics education and learning challenges the stereotypes that only certain people/minds are fit for math. The book includes various studies and examples that support Boaler’s point. She also frequently cites Carol Dweck’s work on mindset, which is summarized in her book, Mindset- one of my all-time favorite books. - Educated by Tara Westover
This beautifully-written, deeply-personal memoir made me question the education system and what education really means. Westover takes us along as she narrates her life story, from living with her survivalist father, to becoming a student in Cambridge, discovering herself along the way.
I wish everyone a happy 2020. If you have lessons you’d like to share, or any book recommendations for the new year, please share below!
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